Today I had a moment- a brief time where the world looked different, calm almost, and I felt peace. It began with a movie about a man who has inspired me. His music has changed me and I've joked at times that it is the soundtrack of my life. I can thank my little sister for the introduction, but I've always turned to his albums for comfort is times of stress or fear or sadness. The documentary about Andrew overcoming cancer was amazing (Dear Jack- you should see it) and as it ended I looked over at my other couch to find my beautiful baby and amazing husband sound asleep. Needing some fresh air and wanting to avoid waking my two boys, I stepped outside to sit on my porch.
Not sure if any of you looked outside at this time but it is beautiful. Its drizzling rain, there is a slight fog, and the clouds are set very low on the mountains. Its almost majestic looking in a way. Its unusually quite for this time of night on a saturday... its peacful.
I sat there on the step for a while and just felt the calmness. I thought about my amazing husband and child- I thought about me, and where I am, and what I am doing, and I thought about the people in my life who inspire me. What is it about them that makes them so special?
Passion. There is this desire to do something, this love and passion about something in their lives and they don't care about anything else. This desire means everything and nothing else matters. Whether it be music, religion, philanthopy... I am inspired by people with a passion for something. They have drive and know exactly what it is they want and need.
Am I inspired? am I driven? do I have a passion- something I would give up anything for? Outside of my family... I'm not sure what it is that I am truly passionate about. I want to find it...my passion. I want to be like the people that inspire me. I am making it my goal- to find what drives me. Do you have a passion? What is it that drives you?
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Showing off our baby boy!
When Parker was just 10 days old, we had the great Ashley McKnight take some pictures of him. She did an amazing job and we are loving how they turned out. Its fun to see how tiny he is, and document all of his cute little parts :) We just wanted to share with you how cute our little man is. Maybe its just me and my mom goggles, but I think he's pretty adorable. ENJOY!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Little Parker Details
Hi All-
Just thought I would document some of the cute little things Parker does, so I can remember them!
* I like to open my eyes and stay awake more than I used to! I look around and sometimes I smile!
* When I get angry or upset, just before I start to cry real hard, I snort over and over again.
* I like to throw my arms up in the air above my head- especially when I'm sleeping
* I have long skinny legs and big feet and I like to stretch out long and straight, and then pop them back in real quick- over and over again
* I eat pretty much every 1 1/2 to 2 hours- I'm a hungy little guy!
* Oh- and I squeak like a mouse when I eat, in between my big loud gulps.
* I'm a good little pooper too- and my poop face is hilarious
* Today I went to the doctor, and I have gained some serious weight!! I weigh 6 lbs 8 oz- quite the increase from last week when I weighed 5 lbs 7 oz! told you I'm a good eater
* I also grew a whole inch! I am now 20 inches long
* My favorite things to do are snuggle with my daddy on the couch, sit in my swing, be wrapped up real tight, and be against my mom and dad's chests.
* Oh, and I make the cutest little kissy faces! Ladies, eat your hearts out!
Just thought I would document some of the cute little things Parker does, so I can remember them!
* When I get angry or upset, just before I start to cry real hard, I snort over and over again.
* I like to throw my arms up in the air above my head- especially when I'm sleeping
* I have long skinny legs and big feet and I like to stretch out long and straight, and then pop them back in real quick- over and over again
* I eat pretty much every 1 1/2 to 2 hours- I'm a hungy little guy!
* Oh- and I squeak like a mouse when I eat, in between my big loud gulps.
* I'm a good little pooper too- and my poop face is hilarious
* Today I went to the doctor, and I have gained some serious weight!! I weigh 6 lbs 8 oz- quite the increase from last week when I weighed 5 lbs 7 oz! told you I'm a good eater
* I also grew a whole inch! I am now 20 inches long
* My favorite things to do are snuggle with my daddy on the couch, sit in my swing, be wrapped up real tight, and be against my mom and dad's chests.
* Oh, and I make the cutest little kissy faces! Ladies, eat your hearts out!
Friday, May 13, 2011
The mommy transition
While speaking on the phone with Grandpa Beckstead the other day, he jokingly asked me "So whose the boss at your house?" I immediately responded with... "Parker is!" and that is not far from the truth. We've been home from the hospital for one week and I've been in full Mommy Mode. My life currently consists of feeding the baby, burping the baby, changing the diaper, rocking the baby to sleep, 45 minutes of free time, feeding the baby, burping the baby, changing the diaper, rocking the baby to sleep, 45 minutes of free time, continued throughout the day. Do I Love it? YES!!! It is a huge transition? YES!!!
Going from a crazy busy, working 50+ hours a week, independent married woman to a stay at home mommy who has no control over her days schedule has been a major life change. Sure I have free time where I squeeze in some homework, housework, good ol' TV, or on occasion a nap. And yes, the busy is completely different and extremely rewarding in its own way. I can't help but smile everytime I see a silly expression on my babies face, or hear him coo and make his little baby noises. I have to kiss his tiny toes every time I see them, and I can't help but laugh when he opens his eyes and wrinkles up his forhead- he looks like an old man. hahaha But I find myself feeling a little down sometimes, struggling with the change. Yes I love being a mom- but staying at home all day can take its toll. I do miss the freedom of going where I want, when I want. I miss the financial security of having two incomes. I wonder what life will be like when the baby isn't two tiny or young to go out - I have a little cabin fever. I look forward to the day that we get on a good schedule, and I don't feel chained to the breast pump and feeding schedule. And I can't wait for the time when Parker sleeps longer than 2 hours at a time at night. I could use a good nights sleep :)
Am I wishing this time away, absolutely not. I love his snuggles, his sweet little face. I love that Parker is my tiny newborn and I have grown a newfound admiration for my amazing husband. Smiles cover my face when I see Tyler with Parker, He is like the "baby whisperer" and knows exactly what to do to make the little guy calm down and fall asleep soundly. Having a baby at home has been such an amazing experience, but a hard one as well. Maybe I am a bad person for admitting that its difficult. Am I the only one that feels this way? Maybe. But it really helps to be honest, to write it out, to share what this experience is like for me. Being a mom is amazing. Being a mom is hard. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Going from a crazy busy, working 50+ hours a week, independent married woman to a stay at home mommy who has no control over her days schedule has been a major life change. Sure I have free time where I squeeze in some homework, housework, good ol' TV, or on occasion a nap. And yes, the busy is completely different and extremely rewarding in its own way. I can't help but smile everytime I see a silly expression on my babies face, or hear him coo and make his little baby noises. I have to kiss his tiny toes every time I see them, and I can't help but laugh when he opens his eyes and wrinkles up his forhead- he looks like an old man. hahaha But I find myself feeling a little down sometimes, struggling with the change. Yes I love being a mom- but staying at home all day can take its toll. I do miss the freedom of going where I want, when I want. I miss the financial security of having two incomes. I wonder what life will be like when the baby isn't two tiny or young to go out - I have a little cabin fever. I look forward to the day that we get on a good schedule, and I don't feel chained to the breast pump and feeding schedule. And I can't wait for the time when Parker sleeps longer than 2 hours at a time at night. I could use a good nights sleep :)
Am I wishing this time away, absolutely not. I love his snuggles, his sweet little face. I love that Parker is my tiny newborn and I have grown a newfound admiration for my amazing husband. Smiles cover my face when I see Tyler with Parker, He is like the "baby whisperer" and knows exactly what to do to make the little guy calm down and fall asleep soundly. Having a baby at home has been such an amazing experience, but a hard one as well. Maybe I am a bad person for admitting that its difficult. Am I the only one that feels this way? Maybe. But it really helps to be honest, to write it out, to share what this experience is like for me. Being a mom is amazing. Being a mom is hard. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Monday, May 9, 2011
I'm one week old!
Just thought I'd blow you some Kisses!
And here are some more kisses for you! MUAH!!
Hi everybody! I'm one week old today! Just thought I'd show you all how cute I am!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Pictures!
Here is about a million pictures from the birth of our little squirt.
Yes- if you cannot tell, in this last picture I am high as a kite on all sorts of medications. No judgements :)
Part 3
A comment on the Hubby. He was such a Trooper. He didn't sleep the entire night, he stayed by my side, holding my hand, keeping me company and doing whatever I needed to be okay. At 5:00 am he called his dad and gave me a beautiful blessing, and as they prepped me for surgery he was right there reasurring me that everything would be okay. Seriously he rocks.
As they took me into surgery Tyler held my hand and was right there to comfort me through the whole thing. Within 5 minutes our tiny little Parker was out and Tyler was a great daddy and headed off to take care of him. I stayed in the OR while the stitched me up. At first, I felt some tugging and pressure, but by the end of the C-Section it was getting painful! My legs were getting really tingley and I knew my numbing medications were wearing off. I told the anesthesiologist but they were just about done so they didn't do much, just finished and wheeled me into recover.
The nurse explained to me that within a few hours my numbing would wear off and I would be in a little pain. Little did she know- which I explained quickly- the numbing was gone. I could have hopped off the bed and ran down the hall just minutes after my surgery was done. I was in serious pain.
I had the tightest grip on both sides of my bed and it was all I could do not to scream. I had just been cut open and I was feeling it, all of it. I kept telling them this was the most pain I had ever been in, and they kept adding more and more pain medication with no relief. I kept wondering where Tyler was, I really needed him, but he was no where to be found (He was out with the baby stressed out because he didn't know what was going on with me, and eventually he got so mad he pushed through the doors to find me against the office orders because he knew something was wrong). When he finally made it to me I just lost it, I cried that I couldn't handle it, I asked the nurse just to knock me out, I held his hand and he was so strong for me. He helped me through everything and kept reasurring me I would be okay. FINALLY after about an hour of pure torture, some medication started to work and I was able to relax, and be wheeled into my room. A nurse who came into the Recovery room was talking to another nurse and when he explained what had happed all the light bulbs went off. She explained that sometimes the Magnesium Sulfate (the drug to stop the seizures) can make you metabolize your pain meds fasters, which was why the epidural wasn't working and why I didn't stay numb during the C-Section. Awesome.
At this point I had seen my baby for all of 30 seconds and was really wishing I could see him. Unfortunately due to all of the medications I was a drugged up mess. I couldn't keep my eyes open, hold a conversation, let alone be trusted to hold a baby. But by that night I was feeling alright and I got to see and love on my little boy.
Parker James Hepworth, our little 5 lb 10 oz bundle of joy is adorable. He has dark blue eyes and just a light fuzz of dark brown hair. We can't decide who he looks like most, be he sure is adorable and we love him to death. I think we could just sit and watch him all day.
We had the wonderful support of our families throughout the whole event and they were all so amazing, and still are amazing to help us out. We love you all so much!!!
Recovery is going to take a while. We were admitted into the Hospital on Sunday, and were discharged on Thursday afternoon- a 5 day hospital stay due to all of the complications. I am now supposed to take it easy as if I am on bed rest because my blood pressure is still through the roof. This is really tough because I just want to play and take care of everything at home- I want to snuggle my baby, change his diaper, run around and get whatever he needs. Tyler is being amazing and making sure I sit down here and there. My family has been so wonderful to come over and watch Parker while Tyler and I catch up on some much needed sleeep. All in all, we are doing wonderfully. Labor and Delivery was rough, and not what either of us expected, but we know the Lord was with us through it all, and we can't wait to see what this new little man brings to our family!
As they took me into surgery Tyler held my hand and was right there to comfort me through the whole thing. Within 5 minutes our tiny little Parker was out and Tyler was a great daddy and headed off to take care of him. I stayed in the OR while the stitched me up. At first, I felt some tugging and pressure, but by the end of the C-Section it was getting painful! My legs were getting really tingley and I knew my numbing medications were wearing off. I told the anesthesiologist but they were just about done so they didn't do much, just finished and wheeled me into recover.
The nurse explained to me that within a few hours my numbing would wear off and I would be in a little pain. Little did she know- which I explained quickly- the numbing was gone. I could have hopped off the bed and ran down the hall just minutes after my surgery was done. I was in serious pain.
I had the tightest grip on both sides of my bed and it was all I could do not to scream. I had just been cut open and I was feeling it, all of it. I kept telling them this was the most pain I had ever been in, and they kept adding more and more pain medication with no relief. I kept wondering where Tyler was, I really needed him, but he was no where to be found (He was out with the baby stressed out because he didn't know what was going on with me, and eventually he got so mad he pushed through the doors to find me against the office orders because he knew something was wrong). When he finally made it to me I just lost it, I cried that I couldn't handle it, I asked the nurse just to knock me out, I held his hand and he was so strong for me. He helped me through everything and kept reasurring me I would be okay. FINALLY after about an hour of pure torture, some medication started to work and I was able to relax, and be wheeled into my room. A nurse who came into the Recovery room was talking to another nurse and when he explained what had happed all the light bulbs went off. She explained that sometimes the Magnesium Sulfate (the drug to stop the seizures) can make you metabolize your pain meds fasters, which was why the epidural wasn't working and why I didn't stay numb during the C-Section. Awesome.
At this point I had seen my baby for all of 30 seconds and was really wishing I could see him. Unfortunately due to all of the medications I was a drugged up mess. I couldn't keep my eyes open, hold a conversation, let alone be trusted to hold a baby. But by that night I was feeling alright and I got to see and love on my little boy.
Parker James Hepworth, our little 5 lb 10 oz bundle of joy is adorable. He has dark blue eyes and just a light fuzz of dark brown hair. We can't decide who he looks like most, be he sure is adorable and we love him to death. I think we could just sit and watch him all day.
We had the wonderful support of our families throughout the whole event and they were all so amazing, and still are amazing to help us out. We love you all so much!!!
Recovery is going to take a while. We were admitted into the Hospital on Sunday, and were discharged on Thursday afternoon- a 5 day hospital stay due to all of the complications. I am now supposed to take it easy as if I am on bed rest because my blood pressure is still through the roof. This is really tough because I just want to play and take care of everything at home- I want to snuggle my baby, change his diaper, run around and get whatever he needs. Tyler is being amazing and making sure I sit down here and there. My family has been so wonderful to come over and watch Parker while Tyler and I catch up on some much needed sleeep. All in all, we are doing wonderfully. Labor and Delivery was rough, and not what either of us expected, but we know the Lord was with us through it all, and we can't wait to see what this new little man brings to our family!
Birth Story Part 2
A few hours after getting started on the all the meds, I started feeling pretty nauseous. I have been told that labor can make you sick to your stomach, but this was pretty bad. I was unable to sit up, turn over, or lay completely flat without vomitting. My nurse explained this was unusual and I must be reacting to all of the medications I was given. To makek matters worse, the baby wasn't super happy about what was going on. Each time I had a contraction, or threw up, the babies heart rate would drop dramatically, but then as soon as it was over it was back up again. This was concerning but we decided to continue with the labor as see how it goes.
20 hours of labor later, Dr. Blackett was there and we began to really get worried about the baby. His heart rate was dropping much lower and he was having a harder time recovering after each contraction. I was a mess, sick and exhausted, and my epidural just wasn't working so the labor was getting really difficult. at about 9:45 am Monday morning we opted for a C-Section so I was prepped and rolled into the ER. Because I had an epidural they did the numbing for the C-Section this way, which apparently isn't how it is done for nomral C-Sections, but it did work for most of the surgery. The Doctors were amazing and and really made me feel comfortble, Dr. Blackett and Dr. Norda did the surgery and we laughing and joking the whole time, making it easier for me.
20 hours of labor later, Dr. Blackett was there and we began to really get worried about the baby. His heart rate was dropping much lower and he was having a harder time recovering after each contraction. I was a mess, sick and exhausted, and my epidural just wasn't working so the labor was getting really difficult. at about 9:45 am Monday morning we opted for a C-Section so I was prepped and rolled into the ER. Because I had an epidural they did the numbing for the C-Section this way, which apparently isn't how it is done for nomral C-Sections, but it did work for most of the surgery. The Doctors were amazing and and really made me feel comfortble, Dr. Blackett and Dr. Norda did the surgery and we laughing and joking the whole time, making it easier for me.
Birth Story According to Me: Part 1
It all started Thursday when I had gone to the doctor, ready to be induced. When I was sent home on bed rest, I was told that if I had a headache that lasted for over 1 hour, I had to call immediately and head to the hospital. 3 hours of throbbing in my skull, two extra stregnth Tylenol, and a Diet Coke on Sunday morning sent up packing up to Labor and Delivery for an exam. Luckily we had prepared for induction thursday, so we grabbed our packed bags and headed up. Because it was a Sunday, Dr. Blackett was not in so we were lucky enough to get Dr. Fowers to help us out. He is a family friend and fabulous doctor which made me feel better.
After Dr. Fowers took a look, we discussed my Preeclampsia. He explained that the longer we waited from this point out, the sicker both I and the baby would get. He felt like and induction was the best bet for the situation. Tyler and I agreed. Dr Fowers also discussed that because of my high blood pressure, and the stress of labor, I was at risk for having seizures. Nice. So I was put immediately on a medication called Magnesium Sulfate. The Mag is a medication that would keep me from seizing, but the side effects are pretty miserable. I would feel like I had the flu, exhausted, achy, feverish, and really hot and sweaty during the entire labor and for 1 day afterward. It wasn't exactly a pleasant feeling but it was alright. At the time I felt like things were going okay.
I was hooked up to the Pitosin around 2:00pm and the labor started immediately. I was having contractions every minute and It wasn't hurting so bad. I was feeling pretty proud of myself. Then Dr. Fowers broke my water.... and the pain began. Thank heavens I have an amazing husband who would hold my hands and let me squeeze throuhgout each contraction. He was the best support and i never would have made it without him. After a while of painful contractions they gave me an epidural. Yay for epidurals!!! It really helped everything out, for a while. It kept wearing off, so I kept pushing the button for medication. It never dawned on me that I was metabolizing it too fast, I just thought I was a wuss. This will be important later.
After Dr. Fowers took a look, we discussed my Preeclampsia. He explained that the longer we waited from this point out, the sicker both I and the baby would get. He felt like and induction was the best bet for the situation. Tyler and I agreed. Dr Fowers also discussed that because of my high blood pressure, and the stress of labor, I was at risk for having seizures. Nice. So I was put immediately on a medication called Magnesium Sulfate. The Mag is a medication that would keep me from seizing, but the side effects are pretty miserable. I would feel like I had the flu, exhausted, achy, feverish, and really hot and sweaty during the entire labor and for 1 day afterward. It wasn't exactly a pleasant feeling but it was alright. At the time I felt like things were going okay.
I was hooked up to the Pitosin around 2:00pm and the labor started immediately. I was having contractions every minute and It wasn't hurting so bad. I was feeling pretty proud of myself. Then Dr. Fowers broke my water.... and the pain began. Thank heavens I have an amazing husband who would hold my hands and let me squeeze throuhgout each contraction. He was the best support and i never would have made it without him. After a while of painful contractions they gave me an epidural. Yay for epidurals!!! It really helped everything out, for a while. It kept wearing off, so I kept pushing the button for medication. It never dawned on me that I was metabolizing it too fast, I just thought I was a wuss. This will be important later.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Paker James Hepworth
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