While speaking on the phone with Grandpa Beckstead the other day, he jokingly asked me "So whose the boss at your house?" I immediately responded with... "Parker is!" and that is not far from the truth. We've been home from the hospital for one week and I've been in full Mommy Mode. My life currently consists of feeding the baby, burping the baby, changing the diaper, rocking the baby to sleep, 45 minutes of free time, feeding the baby, burping the baby, changing the diaper, rocking the baby to sleep, 45 minutes of free time, continued throughout the day. Do I Love it? YES!!! It is a huge transition? YES!!!
Going from a crazy busy, working 50+ hours a week, independent married woman to a stay at home mommy who has no control over her days schedule has been a major life change. Sure I have free time where I squeeze in some homework, housework, good ol' TV, or on occasion a nap. And yes, the busy is completely different and extremely rewarding in its own way. I can't help but smile everytime I see a silly expression on my babies face, or hear him coo and make his little baby noises. I have to kiss his tiny toes every time I see them, and I can't help but laugh when he opens his eyes and wrinkles up his forhead- he looks like an old man. hahaha But I find myself feeling a little down sometimes, struggling with the change. Yes I love being a mom- but staying at home all day can take its toll. I do miss the freedom of going where I want, when I want. I miss the financial security of having two incomes. I wonder what life will be like when the baby isn't two tiny or young to go out - I have a little cabin fever. I look forward to the day that we get on a good schedule, and I don't feel chained to the breast pump and feeding schedule. And I can't wait for the time when Parker sleeps longer than 2 hours at a time at night. I could use a good nights sleep :)
Am I wishing this time away, absolutely not. I love his snuggles, his sweet little face. I love that Parker is my tiny newborn and I have grown a newfound admiration for my amazing husband. Smiles cover my face when I see Tyler with Parker, He is like the "baby whisperer" and knows exactly what to do to make the little guy calm down and fall asleep soundly. Having a baby at home has been such an amazing experience, but a hard one as well. Maybe I am a bad person for admitting that its difficult. Am I the only one that feels this way? Maybe. But it really helps to be honest, to write it out, to share what this experience is like for me. Being a mom is amazing. Being a mom is hard. I wouldn't change it for the world.
7 comments:
You are not alone. In fact, you are one of many. And I mean that in an encouraging way. The fact that you still love it proves that you are a good mommy. Jami, he is so precious. I've probably never been happier for someone to have a baby than I've been for you. The first time Avery slept for 6 hours was AMAZING!
Making a quick stop to the grocery store for milk or bread was almost impossible with my newborn. So the first time that I went to the grocery store without her ... I almost didn't know what to do with myself. Part of me wanted to take my time and relish the freedom. And the other part couldn't wait to get back home to her and Jeremy.
I know you are enjoying every moment. They really do grow SO fast. My favorite piece of advice with a newborn was - sleep when they do. That got me through the first month or so. Congratulations Jami and Tyler. And if you ever need anything, here's one more person you can call on. :)
Jami, thanks so much for letting us come visit you yesterday. I love sweet little Parker!
Don't worry, you are not alone. I think every new mom feels that exact same way. We love our babies, but the adjustment is hard. We're trying to figure out breastfeeding, schedules, sleep and how to even get out of the house with the baby. I promise the difficult phase does pass and it'll seem like second nature to you. I had the baby blues with Macy really bad. What helped was to take a walk, go to the store, call a friend of family member or anything to get your mind off of it. Don't feel bad. The way you feel is totally normal. If you ever want to chat or have a visitor during the day let me know and we'll come over and bug you. Macy would love to play with Buddy:)
Jami dear, if people say it's not hard, they are lying through their teeth! Especially that first baby ... that sweet little thing just ROCKS YOU WORLD. It's not about you any more, not one little bit! It's so hard and so so wonderful. I remember making a goal to bring Mark lunch for a while so I could practice getting ready for something ... you know, having him fed/cleaned/happy by a specific time. It took weeks! But it will happen soon enough. By 2 months Mac was sleeping from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Things really do change fast! Just when you're about to get in a groove with one stage, he'll move onto another. The trick is to cry when you need to, ask for help, and love every minute of it. (Also, read "On Becoming Babywise". A bit too strict for me, but some ideas in there REALLY helped!)
Jami, Good to know you are human! : ) I had a lot of similar feelings when Blake was born. Congrats and welcome to motherhood!! ; )
its so nice to hear from all of you and it helps to know I'm not the only one who's felt this way. its definitely getting easier with time and I'm loving it more and more. Thanks for the support
Jami, You are not the only one! I promise! The first few weeks of adjusting to a new boss and his schedule can be hard. But there will come a day in the near future when your schedules mix! You will get your nitch and schedule that you love. Good luck! Sooo happy for you guys! A child is a blessing that is too great for words. I am so glad you guys got to have it! You will make amazing parents! Anytime you want an adult conversation, I can be on the other line! (probably thinking the same thing!) Little Parker is so beautiful! Good job you two! Oh tell Buddy Hello! ;)My dogs wouldn't leave me alone the whole way into the house until I got my pants off! Hahaha
You are a great Mom and adjusting to motherhood is a journey :0) Keep enjoying the wonderful moments and don't forget to be patient with yourself when it's hard. We are so happy for you guys! Parker sure is cute!!
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